What's That Glued Penis Guy's Name...
..."Did you say 'Seman'...oh come on now. What's that, 'Seaman'...really can't be, you're pulling my leg...oh 'Zieman', that's better, but it's German for 'Seman.' Poor guy just can't get a break!"
written by tlmedia, 04 August 2009
Man Takes Wrong Pill
Minnesota man, mistakenly taking time capsule for sleeping pill, dreams he's throwing ape shit all night before awakening to mess.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
New Book Coming Out!
The man who wrote many of the speeches for President George W. Bush is now working on his memoirs. The title will be; "Great Writing But Bad Announciations".
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Did Obama Act Stupidly?
Poll: Did Obama act stupidly in his Gates arrest comments? No, say most, there was no 'acting' to it.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Konnie Huq Embarrassed
Konnie Huq has a moment of sheer embarrassment as her skirt rides up to show where her underwear would have been, had she been wearing any.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Oldest Aussie Graduate
94-Year-Old Australian woman becomes oldest to earn masters degree. Admits she spent 21 years as a keg-swilling freshman.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Italians Lambrusco-Aldi aannounced as new sponsors of Brit, Binge-Boozing!
Italiens Lambrusco and Aldi have become the new sponsors of Britains binge/booze boom. Main targets are U17 female binging bitches and their Grannies! Bella Italia, mucho Grazi!
written by unknown
£1 breaks $1. 70 barrier!
For the first time since October, the pound has broken through the $1.70 barrier. However, bankers say; "the pound is still worth over 6 billion Zimbabwean dollars and is gathering strength."
written by IN SEINE, 04 August 2009
Big Margarine Recall
Margarine maker issues a big recall of all it's dairy products after three people come down with Blue Bonnet Plague.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Thompsons latest exclusive, last minute, holiday destinations!
Thompsons Holiday's are offering new, cut price, exotic resorts on French, German Motorways, if you can't beat the jams, then EN-JOIN-EM!
written by unknown
One Dangerous/ One Art
Gag Poster of Obama's face painted as The Joker branded 'dangerous and mean-spirited', but taxpayer moneyed Crucifix of Christ Hanging In Jar Full Of Urine in NYC Museum, 'Art'.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Ahmadinejad Back To #1
Re-elected Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad recaptures title of the world's most insane leader by chewing off his little finger during acceptance speech.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Another Recall
Lippy's has announced the total recall of all its "I Can't Believe It's Not Carp" canned since 1979.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
New Baghdad Restaurant
A sign of better times in Baghdad as a new restaurant, "Daddy Bush's Big Boy" opens up at corner of Rubble & Vine.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Wattleburger Warned Again
New York City hot dog vendor, 300-pound Fatty Wattleburger, ordered to stop warming hot dogs between his big thighs.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Bubbleologist Creates Masterpiece; Let's hope he doesn't blow it!
'Bubbleologist' creates world's largest free-floating bubble for Guinness Book of Records. He hopes to blow the world's loudest free-floating fart!
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Ex-Presidents Busy
Bill Clinton arrived in North Korea on a surprise mission to bring home two jailed American journalists. Meanwhile Jimmy Carter pays surprise visit to women's bathroom at Atlanta airport.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
One In Five Students Failing English
One in five children failing in English as Sats results fall for first time in 15 years. Teachers blame immigrant students that haven't learned English as yet.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Brawn Using Brain
F1 boss Ross Brawn faces driving ban after being charged with speeding at 100mph, hoping to get caught for the free publicity.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Their Commercial: "Because...We Care"
Grieving mother fined £86 by crematorium for taking too long to say goodbye to dead baby boy. "We had bodies stacked and waiting", explains owner.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Harmon: Men Dislike Me
'Men dislike me because I won't take "How's it hanging?" for an answer,' says Harriet Harman as colleague brands feminist outbursts 'bonkers'
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
SKorea Police Raid
South Korean police commandos have stormed a car factory south of Seoul, trying to "drive out" hundreds of dismissed workers who have occupied it for weeks.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Victorian England Justice Different
Stealing from a rabbit warren may not sound like a major crime but in Victorian England they could land you with a hangman's noose around your neck. Also, women showing ankles were publicly whipped.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Cyber-Security Czar Resigns
The White House's acting cyber-security Czar has resigned from her post, according to the Wall Street Journal, after admitting she is a Chinese robot.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
US Tourists In Iran
Iran questioning US tourist trio. All three admit they are groupies after an opportunity to see that sexy Ahdmadinejad in person.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Ski Resorts Summer Activities
Ski resorts in summer are fun but not for skiing. Instead, customers are encouraged to roller blade, soap box derby down the slopes.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Democrats Want More Clunkers
Democrats trying for GOP support for clunker funds. Rep. leader Mitch McConnell: Democrats have enough clunkers over there already.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Plastic Patch In Pacific
Scientists studying huge plastic patch in Pacific say that most of it is from all the plastic surgery castoffs, castoff blow-up dolls.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Toyota: Big Quarterly Loss
Toyota reports $819 million quarterly loss. That's a total of 3,276,000 quarters.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Post Office Changes
Post office looks at changing hundreds of offices, new stamp tax stamps with Joker Obama pic on them.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
My Rugged Son, The Cheerleader
Cheerleading found to cause most serious sports injuries. Second is ass slapping, bumped heads during huddles.
written by Bureau, 04 August 2009
Obama Orders Conversational Latin Taught In All Schools
"Look," said Mr. Obama," with Latinos swelling the ranks of our population, it's only fair we learn how to talk with them. When told they speak Spanish not Latin Obama said, Is there a difference?"
written by tlmedia, 04 August 2009
Adam Lambert Withdraws Threat to "Suck Economy Dry"
Upon learning that "economy" is NOT the name of a well-publicized homosexual Egyptian man, Adam Lambert has withdrawn his threat to "suck it dry".
written by Agatha Bloom, 04 August 2009
Python Rights Group Formed
Florida's Everglades are being overrun by Pythons. These very large snakes have attacked an infant, which has prompted their hunting. A Python Rights group has been formed, led by Monty Python.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 August 2009
Congress Passes Taxpayers Rights Act
Congress has passed the USA Taxpayers Reform bill. Taxpayer organizations now have the right to collect a 25% tax on all illegal immigrant, animal, tree and environmental rights groups.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 August 2009
San Francisco Braces for the Big One
Scientists predict next San Francisco earthquake is imminent. The causes have been determined to be far left wing liberal media bias and budget deficits putting pressure on the San Andreas Fault.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 04 August 2009
