Older Couple's Demands
Older couples who are already taking Viagra demand that President Obama tap into strategic petroleum reserves!
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
51% Anti-Obama
For the first time, 51 percent think Obama is actually a Muslim sent to destroy US by piling up national debt, just as Michelle's mother said.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Recruiting Level Goes Up
Army raises recruiting level to 49 or up to whenever you get your first AARP magazine.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Vacation Code Orange
Mother-In-Law level on Martha's Vineyard has been raised to code Orange after staring contest.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Cheryl Cole has Swine Flu!
Girls Aloud Singer, X-Factor Judge and Winner of FHM 100 Sexiest Women has contracted Swine Flu. Her GP said," Fortunately,she'll lose her voice".
written by Qwerty123, 23 August 2009
Polar Bear Expedition Returns
Team of scientists have returned from northern Alaska to study polar bear droppings to check their diet. "Will talk later", states leader. "Right now we have a shitload of work on our hands."
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
He'll Be Fatter Than Ever!
Terrific explosion of air blocked whoopie cushion blows obese friend's balls off.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
"Look Martha, There's That Light Again Tonight"
Plans for quick burial services of family drunk by cremation fails as corpse burns into third day.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
The Five M's
Marriage Counselor congratulated by seven couples after he completely saves marriages with new "Medical Marijuana Mutual Massage Methods".
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
"I'm Still In Shoc, Your Honor"
Sleep-walking son-in-law pleads not guilty of stabbing wife's wealthy mother 1157 times after third shot awakens him.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Teacher Simply Teaching Ways Of Expression
Couple who refused to send son to school because of his 'completely naked lady art subject phobia' are ordered by court to apologize to completely naked art subject as dad slips judge five bills.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Cambridge Breaks With Tradition
Cambridge stops 300-year-old tradition of posting exam results on noticeboard after lawsuit. Instead it will post a list of "Those Most Likely To Win Airhead Contests, A Spoof".
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
A Sure Curry For Alzheimers?
Eating a curry once or twice a week could help prevent the onset of Alzheimer's disease, dementia, just plain crazy a leading expert claims.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
One For The fecebook
Alabama man on new fiber test diet breaks record, ass with five foot long brownsnake.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Clark Kent In Trouble Again
Clark Kent, whom everyone knows after 60 years, is Superman, being sued by Daily Planet secretary after catching him looking her up & down, melting his glasses.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Jim Carrey Accused
Jim Carrey accused of paying nurse for collection of photographs of women's faces while giving birth to practice with for upcoming movie roles.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Patch Adams Prank
Doctor Patch Adams reprimanded once again for putting toe tags on everyone on the sixth floor of hospital while they slept.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Smartass Delivery Doctor
Woman having baby says that if smartass delivery doctor yells "Plunger!" just one more time, she'll shit in his hands.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Kennedy's Last Days?
The Ted Kennedy situation may be worsening as priest in confessional booth moves into his bedroom.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Nicholson Having Tests
Jack Nicholson has still another test for colon cancer after having so much smoke blown up his ass each year at Oscar time.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
No Need For Air Fresheners
Kelloggs introduces new high fiber "Kell Logs", in both hickory and maple tree flavors.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Family May Sue
Cleveland, Ohio man objects to hospital nurse-attention button playing "Amazing Grace".
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Only 1 in 10 Callers to the NHS Flu Helpline Actually Has Swine Flu
Doctors say that only 1 in 10 callers actually have swine flu, so when I phoned the helpline today with a runny nose, headache etc 9 people were ahead of me in the queue, so I guess I was the one!
written by IN SEINE, 23 August 2009
England win the Ashes, Nazis offer 10.000.000 Reichmarks for the pot!
After hearing of Englands success over the Aussies, underground Nazis immediately offered the MCC 10 million Reichmarks for the Ashes, they wish to put them alongside their Jewish collection!
written by unknown
Inmates set Kentucky prison ablaze
I guess that's one way of frying chicken
written by Joe Cronin, 23 August 2009
Superman Suffering From Alheimzers
Grandpa Clark Kent found naked in old abandoned telephone booth in Metropolis, Illinois.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Ball State Football Season In The Bag
The Ball State Cardinals college football team, after having their best seasons ever the past two years, change their name to the Ball State Testicles.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Gators Accused Of Enhancement
University of Florida ranked #1 in preseason college football pols accused of using enhanced Gatorade.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Double As Terrorist Spotters
Anti-terror cash spent on football coaching and fashion shows. Coach claims that two footballers were so horrible they were arrested, and fashion show spots sexy model has beard.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Suicidal Man Stops Trains
Police arrest suicidal man who delayed the trains for four hours while dressed as a two-legged cow on the tracks.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Environmental Secretary's Bin
Shouldn't you have recycled that lot, Mr Benn? Glass, plastic, auto battery, old light bulbs, mercury-loaded pulled teeth and paper found in Environment Secretary's bin.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Another Gaffe
Another glorious gaffe as the Duke of Edinburgh remarks 'You didn't design your beard very well, did you? Rather look like a demented goat.'
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Would We Lie?
Nigeria rebels hand over weapons. Amazing how they used small firearms, sling shots and bows & arrows to keep away well armed government soldiers for so long.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Tito Wins Lottery
The Italian government has announced that it's top lottery prize has been won by Tito The Greaser.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Chavez Policy Being Protested
Protesters accuse the government of President Hugo Chavez of indoctrinating children into backing socialist values, after he instituted "Pledge To Karl Marx" every morning before classes.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Scotland Still Around
The Scottish Government has defended its decision to release the Lockerbie bomber, amid mounting criticism on both sides of the Atlantic. "Herself has had nay attention fer yores"
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Obama To Honestly Debate His Buddies
Obama wants honest health care debate, with those he's planted in town hall audiences, do recorded call-ins.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Who Can Hear Traffic?
Traffic noise could be ruining sex lives of frogs, but certainly not those newlyweds upstairs.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Competition Lacking?
Competition lacking among private health insurers say supporters of government health care. That's why you never see any of their Good Hands, Hartford Stag or Geico Lizard ads on television anymore.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Tanner Pleads Guilty
Actor Antwon Tanner pleads guilty in scheme in NYC to sell Nigerians the Brooklyn Bridge. However, most cheer them for revenge!
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
911 Suspects Jeopardized
Lawyers can question 9/11 suspect in writing but all answers must be given in 30 seconds in the form of a question.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
First Things First
Ruthless new Taliban leader named as Hakimullah Mehsud or Mehsud The Maimer gets ready to first kill off rivals.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Fires Approach Athens
Thousands evacuated as fires reach Athens suburbs. Meanwhile
Poseidon still sitting on his big fat ass.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Dominatrix Spoof writer Madame Bitters, calls Jaggedone a genius, true!
Genius Spoofer, Madame Bitters on a very dubious thread pertaining to the "occult" activities of SFO, called Jaggedone a genius, true, MB, I'll have a pint of BITTER, cheers!
written by unknown
Obama Family On Vacation
The Obamas planned to leave Andrews Air Force Base for Martha's Vineyard and a weeklong escape from Washington. They also plan a three hour tour on small ship called the Minnow.
written by Bureau, 23 August 2009
Comfort Eating at Times of Stress Is a Myth!
Researchers claim that comfort eating at times of stress is a myth. Their evidence is that Ethiopians and Sudanese lead far more stressful lives than their American counterparts and they don't eat!
written by IN SEINE, 23 August 2009
Prank epidemic strikes
Women all over the country are convincing their men that he's 'followed through' during the night by slipping a chocolate button between the cheeks of his arse as he sleeps.
written by Mary Hinge, 23 August 2009
Skid marks a problem...not any more.
To save embarrassment on washday, experts are urging men to place a strip of 1-inch wide sellotape in the gusset of their underpants every morning. This can simply be wiped clean after any unfortunate accidents.
written by Mary Hinge, 23 August 2009
Technical advice for over 18s
Leading eperts are advising male adults, who are unable to get a blow job, to strip bollock naked, plonk themselves arse-first into an empty dustbin, and do it themselves. Use a pile of tyres instead if you require deep throat
written by Mary Hinge, 23 August 2009
Love music? Then heed advice.
Music lovers are being informed to not waste money on expensive iPods, but simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.
written by Mary Hinge, 23 August 2009
Volcano advice.
If you are ever caught in a volcanic eruption, remember to jump up and down so that your feet are not constantly in the molten lava flow.
written by Mary Hinge, 23 August 2009
Drug addicts
Heroin addicts. Instead of getting up at the crack of dawn everyday to go shoplifting to raise money for smack, why not cut out the middle man and simply nick the heroin?
written by Mary Hinge, 23 August 2009
If you have no smoke alarm read this.
Reduce the risk of night time fire by soaking all your furniture with a hosepipe before going to bed.
written by Mary Hinge, 23 August 2009
Farting was never so much fun
A series of copycat farts following someone else's admisssion of guilt can compound the misery of the perpetrator, whilst simultaneously giving your bowels the clean out you've always dreamed of.
written by Mary Hinge, 23 August 2009
Ironing a chore? Not any more!
Experts say make your steam iron glide effortlessly over your clothes by filling it with vegetable oil instead of water.
written by Mary Hinge, 23 August 2009
Spectacle wearers get ready for war
Spectacle wearers are being urged to orepare for any forthcoming conflict by putting crosses of masking tape across the lenses of their glasses.
written by Mary Hinge, 23 August 2009
New Scottish pardon
The Scottish government today issued a pardon for the Nazi's and Adolf Hitler, claiming the Nazi's were denied affection as children and the fault for the war was not theirs
written by disciple, 23 August 2009
"Great Scot Part III!"
James Bond was seen in Tripoli Libya, at a local café, having coffee with Vince Flynn and Roy MacGregor. Several countries have a vested interest in putting this Lockerbie terrorist outrage to rest.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 23 August 2009
"Great Scot Part II!"
Did the UK government "oil up" the Scots to release a convicted airline bomber? Was the Judge "drilled" on how to rule or just a "crude" miscarriage of justice? Are the Libyan's just "venting gas?"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 23 August 2009
"Great Scot!"
After 300 years as part of the UK, the British have told Scotland they can leave now. Alas, the Scots fought the British for 800 years, but surrendered to the Libyans in only eight years.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 23 August 2009
Preparing for Y3K
Speaker Pelosi asks for $200 billion to study the effect of Y3K on San Francisco's far left wing Democrats. Republican congressman C Darwin of Orange County CA said "they will all be extinct by then!"
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 23 August 2009
Washington DC Movie a Turkey
"Arrogant Bastards" opened to a resounding "get out of our lives" from the American people! The production starred a Democratic far left wing cast led by Nancy Pelosi, Steny Hoyer and Barney Frank.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 23 August 2009
More about Tourism in Iraq
The Iraqi government has outlawed alcohol sales throughout the country, including purchases by foreign tourists. Not to worry, just sit in your hotel lobby and you will get bombed soon enough!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 23 August 2009
The 28th Amendment Ratified
Delaware was the final state to ratify the 28th amendment to the US Constitution. It states "Congress shall convene in a session for only the second two weeks in January of each year in Bismarck ND."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 23 August 2009
