Why Brett Favre Really Signed With the Vikings, reason #2
It's been a long time since he threw a touchdown to a Packer. He figures that he's got two different games to do that this season.
written by unknown
Why The Vikings Really Signed Brett Favre, reason #2
3500 season ticket sales the first day after the announcement.
written by unknown
Why Brett Favre Really Signed With the Vikings
The money, stupid. It's all about the money.
written by unknown
Why the Vikings Really Signed Brett Favre
They wanted to break the NFL record for interceptions thrown in one season
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Obama Uses Patriot Act Against Political Enemies, #2
Children in schools will now be taught the words "smelly" and "cool" instead of, respectfully, "right" and "left."
written by unknown
Obama Uses Patriot Act Against Political Enemies
Christians will not longer be permitted to sing the hymns "God Speed the Right" or "Choose the Right."
written by unknown
Nintendo Wii Sounds Like Nintendo Wee Blunder
We didn't spot that 'Wii' sounds like 'wee' (urine) until it was too late said a spokesman yesterday. We have been more careful with our next product, a virtual reality helmet called The Spnk Bubble.
written by Fontwell, 21 August 2009
Caster Semenya shaves, her "Pussy"!
New 800 meter wonder girl (?) has admitted to shaving, not her chin, but her sour "Pussy" Gillette have been informed!
written by unknown
The Mambo King Of Pop
Michael Jackson tells spiritualist that he's in cloud directly over Desi Arnaz and he's sick to death again over hearing "Babalu" 24-hours a day!
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Super Bowl Treat?
Nutritionists say properly prepared, insects and worms are delicious and an excellent source of protein if you can keep them down for at least five minutes.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Cheney's Book Gonna Be Big
Yesterday, Dick Cheney said his lesbian daughter Mary has convinced him to support her gay marriage and that he does. Then he unloads the blockbuster the he was once a woman himself.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Blind Man Loses Wife
A blind man from Manchester, who followed his wife on a shopping trip lost track of her when she went in to the fish market today.
written by norma snockers, 21 August 2009
Bill The Cat
Bill Clinton admits he can never get tired of hearing, "Gee, I never been in a restaurant with real silverware before."
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Bully! Bully I Say!
Man gored to death at bullfighting festival after pretending to be a matador. Two other men were arrested for manslaughter after pretending to be a bull. One in hospital for two stabbings.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
They Can See Better
A town council has defended its decision to put Christmas lights up 4 months early, arguing that they can be used in celebrations for non-Christian faiths such as Zombies out looking for brains.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Eavesdropping OK
A US judge has rejected a challenge to law that allows intelligence services to eavesdrop on overseas conversations to gather intelligence. "Those Intelligence people need all the help they can get."
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
BNP Members Leak
Two charged over British National Party members leak. Say they had been invited by Brown to outdoor Beer Conference.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Royal Visit To Libya Reconsidered
A royal visit to Libya is being reconsidered after the welcome given to the Lockerbie bomber on his return to the country, rumor that Gaddafi off his pills.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
That's It! No More!
Baghdad market missed by bombers struck by lightning, as local residence decide to leave, heading for the Red Sea.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Old Wrinkled-Faced Bat!
News that the "wrinkle-faced bat's" strangely shaped skull gives it a remarkably strong bite force say scientists, as they give son-in-laws everywhere new term for wife's mother.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Is Hitler In Sweden?
Israel is to lodge an official complaint with Sweden over claims in a newspaper that Israeli soldiers killed Palestinians to sell their organs, stealing their babies.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Smacking Good Show
New Zealanders have voted by a wide margin in favour of allowing parents to smack their children, two years after a law banned discipline by force. When asked why, reporter was backhanded severely.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Putin Says Blast Victims Are Dead
Vladimir Putin has said some 50 people still missing after Monday's explosion at Russia's largest hydro-electric power plant should be considered dead as that defector we poisoned in sushi restaurant.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Just Excited I Guess
Britain & US have condemned the jubilant welcome in Libya to the man convicted of the bombing of US plane over Lockerbie. However, after the crowd cheered the fact that he was dying, no more was said.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
They've Had Enough
Co-Worker who stated "Greatest thing since sliced bread" for 1027th time slaughtered, deboned, barbecued and eaten on sliced bread!"
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
It's All In The Details
Author of In-Flight Magazine's article, "The Amazing old 747 Engine" nominated for Pulitzer Prize surprises some.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Practiced Slaughter Avoided
In the Congo yesterday, a disappointed bloodless coup caused victors with pent up rage for war to turn on each other.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Frog Viagra Possibility
Traffic noise could be ruining sex lives of frogs. "How can we get it on while knowing we may be a flat thing kid's will be sailing through the air tomorrow morning?"
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Police Line-Up Rules Changing
Dallas police pioneering new photo lineup approach plus recording of what each person in line-up would do, if elected as guilty. Swimsuit ruled out as "that would be silly."
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Putin Rewards Plant Victims In Manly Way
Putin promises payouts for Russia plant victims, plus personally autographed photo of himself riding bare-chested on a horse.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Politics As Usual
Bush White House politics linked to terror alerts. Those who supported Obama linked to health care plan benefits.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Clunker Sales To Begin
Cash for Clunkers to end on Monday. Clunkers on sale for cash begins on Tuesday.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Prison Plan On Skids
California prison plan clears Senate, but faces some tough sledding in Assembly meeting at Idinerod.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Britney Snoop Sentenced
A court official says a woman found guilty of snooping at Britney Spears' house has been sentenced to three years of probation and writing "I will not stalk Britney" 10,000 times on a blackboard.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Libya to hold "God Bless Hitler" Memorial Day
Followed by "Charles Manson's Marvelous" Week
written by Joe Cronin, 21 August 2009
Save Tamiflu
WHO: Save Tamiflu for the young, old, pregnant, WHO workers and their families.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
US Sues AT&T
U.S. sues AT&T for age discrimination as they refuse to hire child laborers in India to keep prices down for American consumers.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
VA Workers Get Help
As wounded vets await checks, VA workers get $24M bonuses, two weeks vacation to get away from waiting on crippled and maimed.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
UK Condemns Celebrations
UK condemns celebrations for Lockerbie bomber, Jack The Ripper County Fair and Festival, The Hitler Holiday!
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
It's A Tie
Karzai and rival claim victory in Afghan vote. In order to choose leader for Afghanistan peaceful future, will have street shootout at high noon!
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Obama Ratings Drop Dramatically
Poll: Americans losing confidence in Obama. Leap tall buildings: Down to 25%, Bend republicans with his bare hands: 10%. Disguished as mild-mannered democrat: 5%.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Swine Flu Good/Bad News
WHO predicts 'explosion' of swine flu cases but the good news is that those of us who survive, will be immune next time.
written by Bureau, 21 August 2009
Hilary Duff Calls Miley Cyrus "Poser"
Hilary Duff said Miley Cyrus was a "poser" because "she acts like [me] and follows everything I do! She's like a stalker... She's creepy... Did you see how ugly her face is?".
written by unknown
Economic Recovery Setback
Preschoolers graduated in record large numbers in 2009, but unemployment rates remain high and the job market soft. These students will continue their education by going on to Kindergarten.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 21 August 2009
Customer Service or Servicing the Customer
A certain congressman in MA doesn't know the difference between Customer Service and Servicing the Customer, as on a cow farm. Hopefully, his bosses will notice on November 2, 2010. Nah, not in MA!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 21 August 2009
Congress Discovers Perpetual Motion
House Speaker Pelosi with the Democratic Congress's help has developed a perpetual motion machine. Tax, spend, and add to the deficit; tax, spend, and add to the deficit, yada, yada, yada!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 21 August 2009
Change That You Can See
The president's press secretary announced that the Democrats and Republicans have agreed to trade party colors. He said "red is more in line with today's Democratic political philosophy and values."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 21 August 2009
New Warning Label
The Senate Health Care Reform bill has a requirement that fast food restaurant double cheeseburgers carry the following warning label: "EATING 4 OF THESE AT ONCE MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH."
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 21 August 2009
Environmentalists Wanted
During President Obama's trip to South America he met with an Amazon tribe who live deep in the rainforest. They wanted more US environmentalists to visit the region, as the last group was delicious.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 21 August 2009
Speaker Pelosi's Worst Nightmare
Speaker Pelosi had a nightmare; in 10 years SF had a Republican mayor and city council, CA had a Republican Governor and legislature, Jeb Bush was president and the US Congress was solidly Republican.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 21 August 2009
