Yo-Yo Dieting
Oprah Winfrey has admitted that 'yo-yo dieting' does not work. She stated that one would have to eat nine pounds of fiber in order to counter act the plastic contained in one yo-yo.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 September 2008
Obama Rallies The Faithful
Thousands of supporters of Barack Obama attending his rally in Florida Sunday clapped and screamed after hearing him proclaim, "Be what you have become!" and "The rabbit has escaped the whipperwills!"
written by Bureau, 21 September 2008
Save the Planet, Eat a Polar Bear
There were 5000 Polar Bears in the Arctic in 1960, now there are 25000. Scientists believe a heightened libido, due to imbibing all that "Coke" during the December holidays, has led to the increase.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 21 September 2008
Feds Raid Largest Prostitution Ring in the USA
Federal agents raided advertising agencies and film studios all across the USA. People, who sell their bodies on TV, by pretending to use the products they market, were detained for questioning.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 21 September 2008
The Russians Are Coming
Russia considers that their August invasion of Georgia was so successful that they are now formulating plans to invade South Carolina.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 September 2008
Katy Perry's Follow-Up Song
Katy Perry, who had a #1 world-wide hit with her song "I Kissed A Girl" is currently in the recording studio working on her follow-up song entitled, "I Kissed A Woman."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 September 2008
Lab Mice Respond
Lab mice at the Mylan Laboratory in Pittsburgh report that their new non-addictive pill containing opium is the greatest thing since sliced cheese.
written by Bureau, 21 September 2008
Oregon Police Arrest Construction Workers for Complaints Against Nude Skater!
The Portland Twat Squad responded when the men whined about Gennifer Moss's nude in-line skating antics. Dubbed the" YMCA Guys", they were committed for further psych evaluation and gender ID.
written by unknown
Derek Accora in TV Ratings rescue attempt
To ensure that his show survives among plummeting TV ratings, Britain's own 'Ghost Whisperer', Derek Accora has had himself repossessed.
written by IN SEINE, 21 September 2008
The Cross-Over Vote
A thoroughly confused President Bush told reporters Saturday, when asked about cross-over voters, stated "When a person dies and crosses over, he no longer has the right to vote."
written by Bureau, 21 September 2008
NMSU scores late touchdown to beat UTEP in battle of previously winless teams
Who cares?
written by unknown
Who says you can't put a square peg in a round hole?
A blockhead like George W. Bush managed to father children with Laura, didn't he?
written by unknown
Cuban Leader Fidel Castro is still breathing
Dictator vows "I'll be alive as long as Generalissimo Francisco Franco insists on staying dead."
written by unknown
478 Carat Diamond Discovered in African Mine
New stone, with preliminary value of $22 million, to be part of NBC reality series "Who Wants To Be A Diamond Cutter?"
written by unknown
Lindsay Lohan hits member of the papparazzi
"It was only with my purse because I thought the scum tripped me; I wish it was with my car!"
written by unknown
New York Yankee A-Rod and wife finally reach divorce settlement
She gets to keep the Florida home, Alex Rodriguez gets to keep Madonna.
written by unknown
New York Yankees Play Last Game in Yankee Stadium
Starbucks, which is still trying to buy the building to turn it into a coffee house, is competing with Indians who want to make it into a Budget Motel and Arabs who want a 7-11.
written by unknown
Ethics Committee Respond to Frank's Retort to Buckwheat!
"You may not like his politics," an Ethics Committee member said," but he's a shy guy.Even after all these years in Washington you still have to hand it to him!
written by unknown
Funeral PONG poser...
Funeral Directors have determined that old fishermen never die they just smell that way.
written by IN SEINE, 21 September 2008
Barney Frank Responds to Buckwheat Snippet!
"Speak for yourself!" the Congressman snorted, responding to charges "He Don't Do Dick" in a recent rant against do nothing legislators.
written by unknown
London Men Charged
The two men caught drinking battery acid in London's Hyde Park were charged today.
written by IN SEINE, 21 September 2008
Contentment?
In America, many people have to learn to be happy with the state they are in.
written by IN SEINE, 21 September 2008
London Kid Confused
London kid really confused after finding out that, although he apparently has some 37 visiting uncles, he only has one visiting aunt.
written by Bureau, 21 September 2008
Beware New Neighbors
Visiting neighbors realize they're in for a long boring night when the first slide is accompanied with, "Now here's
Little Chuckie at the hospital ten years ago with his head first coming out."
written by Bureau, 21 September 2008
Waitress Apprehensive
A waitress at a restaurant near a Chicago Synagogue admits she always fears picking up Rabbi Sacks' tips following his performance of a bris ceremony.
written by Bureau, 21 September 2008
Brit Agents Admit Escape
British Intelligence agents finally admitted yesterday that over 50 Royal Half-Wits have escaped from a secret room at the Tower of London.
written by Bureau, 21 September 2008
Bush Denies Recession
President Bush denied over the weekend that the country is in a recession, pointing out a 50% rise in the production of "Will Work For Food" signs.
written by Bureau, 21 September 2008
Hillary Back In News
An almost forgotten Hillary Clinton's claims that she has never had cosmetic surgery was confirmed by her husband, Bill. "That's one stubborn woman", stated the former president.
written by Bureau, 21 September 2008
Nader Accused
Ralph Nader Accused of penciling in his own name in late DC madame's little black book.
written by Bureau, 21 September 2008
Bathroom Stalls Vandalized
DC Police hot on the trail of who is vandalizing bathroom stalls around Washington with, "Here I sit, broken hearted, Larry Craig's foot-tapping's only started."
written by Bureau, 21 September 2008
Democrats Give New Meaning to Term "Deep Pockets""
Sexually addicted Dems have designed a new wardrobe tactic to hide addictive behavior.Congressional Abusers say bottomless pockets feature is "handy" when faced with deciding ethical problems.
written by unknown
Agmadubehad on Aggressive Sex Behavior: "We Will break Your Hand!"
Therapist says warning has little effect on Democrats continuing to play with themselves at public expense. Dr. Ruth was quoted as saying,"they dilddled the public for 30 years, they can't quit now!
written by unknown
Chavez Slip of the Tongue...Russian Relations Threatened!
Greeting the former KGB head at the Caracas airport,The Narco Maniac embraced the Russian addressing him as "my dear Puta.." When threatened with a plutonium cocktail,Chavez blamed it on "bad blow".
written by unknown
NBA's Washington Wizards try to improve line up with new free agents
Team says foreign players Albus Dumbledore and Gandalf the Grey should "add a little spark of magic" to the line-up.
written by unknown
Sarah Palin to publish recipe for Moose Stew in Better Homes and Gardens magazine
Rocky says Bullwinkle is in hiding until after the election.
written by unknown
Obama slips on "favortie Christmas carol lyrics" question by reporter, revealing Muslim heritage
Totally unfamiliar with the music, he said that his favorite song was the hymn "Allah want for Christmas is my two front teeth."
written by unknown
