Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

image for Euthanasia Believed To Cure Genital Warts
Trust Me

Deep in the heart of anyone who is sexually promiscuous lies the fear that their significant other will blame them for transmitting genital warts. Spread through skin-to-skin contact during oral, genital or anal sex with an infected partner, these warts are the most recognized symptoms.

Until just lately, there was no known cure for this highly contagious sexually transmitted disease. However, in research done by the late Dr. Jack Kervorkian, commonly known as "Dr. Death", he claimed that many of his patients were inadvertently cured of human papillomavirus (HPV) by his physician assisted suicide treatment.

Now that this new methodology has been made public, thanks to Dr. Death's papers which were donated to the University of Michigan Medical School, the United States Public Health Institute has given the school a grant of $14,000,000 for clinical research on this subject.

So far, early results of this study have shown euthanasia to be at least as effective, if not more, than Gardisal, which is a vaccine that protects against HPV. This vaccine, when compared with euthanasia, is merely a preventative that must be administered before exposure to be effective. Euthanasia, on the other hand, can be administered any time after exposure, and has been proved to be 100% clinically therapeutic.

According to a report by the Detroit Free Press, 60% of the patients who committed suicide with Kervorkian's help were not terminally ill. At least 17 of them could have lived indefinitely, and in 13 cases, the patients had no complaints of pain. Interestingly, the report showed that regardless of the patient's physical or mental condition at the time they committed suicide, 100% of those with genital warts suffered no symptoms after being euthanized.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
63 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more