Zurich - (RIP mess): For decades the Dignit-arse Clinic of Zurich has prided itself on its funeral parlor pledge of beautiful endings in tasteful surroundings.
Last weekend police divers were called out to Lake Zurich after some crab fishermen inadvertantly hauled up a dozen urns containing human remains.
Fortunately it was soon established that these were post-cremation ashes and not actual cadaver pieces.
However the discovery soon took a macabre twist when frogmen continued their probe, bringing up a total of 300 ash cans, all bearing the company logo of the Dignit-arse Euthanasia Clinic.
A quick look at the facility's customer service manual makes no actual mention that post-rigor mortis clients will have a watery burial - let alone a mass dump in an anonymous part of Lake Zurich prone to marauding catfish and other bottomfeeders.
Clinic founder Ludwig 'Liza' Minelli told reporters he was gobsmacked when asked why his international suicide tourist customers ended up in the bottom of the lake and not in the clinic's prestigeous Garden of Rest.
Swiss Trading Standards officers are now investigating reports that thousands of 'satisfied customers' cremated remains were sent to a Basel landfill site.
The average age of a Dignit-arse suicide is 69.