High Society dogs may want to reconsider a night of slumming with the mutts after the experiences of fifteen year old Lady. Test today at Bellvue Animal Hospital revealed that dog is HIV positive and has contacted the AIDS virus. She also received crabs and is being tested for other diseases.
Lady confessed that she had been a virgin before one night "out on the town" with the girls. "We went down near the docks and went to a seedy looking club. This one guy was giving me the eye, so I smiled at him. He was rough and manly and masculine looking. He took me out for Italian food and I fell for his line."
"I woke up in the morning in a seedy motel. I had roaches crawling on the bed. My purse was missing, my panty hose were ripped, and I itched really bad down there."
Lady was smart enough to go to the hospital for a thorough examination. When members of the vice squad who interviewed her discovered she had been with "The Tramp," they immediately issued a warrant for his arrest.
Vice Detective Fido McGruff said that, "Tramp has taken advantage of his last sweet girl. Lady was little more than a puppy. We have at least forty known cases where he has passed on the HIV virus or other venereal diseases to women and girls. He always lures them to Italian restaurants and feeds them spaghetti. He must know we're looking for him, because he always picks a pasta place we're not staking out."
"We really encourage the young girls to stay away from him, but you know how it goes. They go into heat for the first time and pick some big, scruffy looking mutt. We've had his picture posted in all of the obedience schools, but the girls just don't get the hint. They see him and their tails just get to wagging, and the next thing you know...puppies without papers are on their way."
Anyone with information leading to the arrest and neutering of Tramp will receive a reward of 100 chewies, a lige time supply of Milk Bone, and an "atta boy."
