Stockport Man Finds Higgs Boson Particle Behind Sofa

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Thursday, 9 June 2011


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Higgs Boson Particle found behind sofa.

Scientists are celebrating today after a retired plumber found the so called "God Particle" behind his sofa. Bill Appleton, 63, has expressed his surprise at his find.

"I was only looking behind the sofa for some change to pay the window cleaner when I came across it. At first I thought it was simply an average run of the mill scalar boson. It was only when I looked closer and saw it had no intrinsic angular momentum that I released what it was."

Bill professes to know little about particle physics but stated that he has been reading a lot of "stuff on the internet," since retiring so knew people were looking for the particle.

"Didn't think to look"

Researchers working at the Large Hadron Collider were excited about the found but confessed, "We were sure we'd find it here in Switzerland, we just didn't think to look behind Mr Appleton's sofa."

Despite calls for a full enquiry into this oversight the CERN scientists are determined to carry out their research into "smashing shit together."

Meanwhile Bill has made the shortlist for the Nobel Prize for Physics and is looking forward to taking his wife Marjorie to the ceremony. It is unknown whether the window cleaner got paid.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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