Written by Unconfirmed Source

Thursday, 7 July 2005

image for Black Pixel Shortage Threatens Internet!
Are we running out?

Unconfirmed Sources report that the world supply of black pixels is running out. The shortage is believed to be caused in part by the overuse of exclamation points (!) in online humor web sites and blogs. Experts from around the globe are gathering in Silicon Valley to solve the problem.

Bob Jones from Network Solutions explained the situation. "It's really pretty simple, we are running out of black pixels. There are only so many black pixels out there and when they are gone... We are in trouble. Imagine opening an email and finding it empty because we ran out of black pixels. Our entire information civilization could grind to a halt. This is a very serious situation. We thought we had decades worth of black pixels, but we were wrong."

Unconfirmed Sources sought out an expert on the use of exclamation points and satire web sites to better understand the situation. Charlie Van Horn, a much beloved and universally admired writer for The Spoof, explained the problem.

"What people don't realize is that an exclamation point (!) uses 500% more pixels than a period (.) does. Thousands maybe millions of people are out there putting pressure on the black pixel supply by using exclamation points when they should be using periods. Bad punctuation in combination with the number of black pixels being wasted by spammers is going to get us in some real trouble. Some sites might have to close down to conserve black pixels. I don't want to be the first to say it, but I think we may have to consider rationing if this situation doesn't improve quickly."

Bob Jones agreed with Mr Van Horn and added. "While conservation of black pixels is important there are other things we can do. Many people are talking about using very dark blue or brown pixels to shore up the supply. Still others are holding out for a new discovery of more black pixels or maybe a process will be developed to make them synthetically."

The experts in Silicon Valley have estimated we have a 6 month supply of black pixels left at current usage levels. They are encouraging everybody to conserve black pixels whenever possible, but not to panic. There have been scattered reports of black pixel hoarding and speculating, but the world, in general, remains calm.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Internet, Blogs

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
103 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more