The Sun In Glorious 3D

Funny story written by IainB

Monday, 7 February 2011

image for The Sun In Glorious 3D
Now we know where the batteries go

The International Simultaneous Solar Observatory Synchronised Satellite System (ISSOSSS) has finally attained its orbit around the sun on the opposite side of Earth's orbit to Earth itself, allowing scientists their first view of the entire sun simultaneously.

Already, remarkable observations are pouring in.

"We can finally put to rest the outlandish theory that there is another planet diametrically opposite the Earth on the same orbit," said Lars Le Seaux, of the Instituté de Solar Observerterié in Swindon. "It never made any sense as a theory anyway, given the gravitational tides this would have created among the other planets and the lack of any real explanation of how two planets could attain the same orbit without one catching the other up due to slight differences in composition, weight and angle of inclination. If there had been a planet there, we could hardly have put our satellite in the exact place where this planet would be, could we?"

Additionally, the unprecedented three dimensional view of the sun has given scientists an incredible discovery.

"Now that we can see the whole of the sun in three dimensions," said Le Seaux, "we have been able to model its surface in minute detail. Our previous theory that the sun was four billion years old, and had a further four billion years to go turns out to be wrong."

It turns out that the sun is in fact less than a million years old, and the light and heat is gives off will last another few thousand years. However, we don't need to panic, as we have now seen the hatch where we can put new batteries."

Estimates on the size of the battery hatch have indicated that it will take forty nine million (give or take a few hundred thousand) AA sized batteries.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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