Future News: Voyager One Probe Returns to Earth

Funny story written by Inhopeless

Friday, 26 November 2010

(To be published in 2068) - OBAMA, D.C. (EASTERN AMERICORP) - Voyager One, a space probe released in the early 20th century Old Age, has returned to its place of origin: Earth.

Voyager One, which was the first ever human-made object to go further than Pluto, has been sending signals back to a former NASA base in Florida.

"We had a bunch of guys over at ESA (European States Space Agency)," said Eastern Americorp Space Agency (EASA) spokesman Ted Hughes, "give us data on previous space missions by our forefathers. We found that Voyager One had sent back over 78 terabytes of audio, image and video data between its launch in the 1970s and 2014. By that time, it had crossed the equivalent of ten solar systems, then NASA stopped receiving transmissions."

That is, until yesterday. ESA intercepted an incoming signal from the craft.

"They'd thought that the signals were a response to SETI, but we know that was answered decades ago," said Hughes, looking to his Glaxagonian colleague. "However it was a sign that the craft had returned to the 'signal point', a boundary where signals are so weak, not even our best can get them."

ESA and EASA have both launched manned missions into space, for example, colonising the moon, and creating an artificial environment on Mars suitable for humans.

According to a still-functioning machine in the Newer York Museum of Old-Age Metropolitan History, the craft has received all manner of data.

"We'd thought that the stuff being seen on the screen was a simulation," said curator, Leonard Kirk. "But it was real data being beamed down! We had our man, Mr. Scott check, and he says they're real."

The machine has since been transferred to the EASA base in the capital, Obama, however there are some technical difficulties involved.

This reporter drove to the base in his HoverHonda Civic, for an in-depth analysis.

"Firstly," stated Prof. Rajesh Koothrappali, "it runs on a compound-mixture called 'oil'. We've had to make do with pouring hexegan liquid, which smells really bad. Secondly, it measures in 'miles' and 'feet'. What the hell are they? We've had to borrow some antique books from the Smithsonian on this imperial system, so that's all good."

"Who knows what data it will bring?" He pointed to a blip that was crossing the solar system at 650,000 m/s, after reverse calculations. "That's weird, its moving at twice light-speed! Must be some data its collected."

As of press time, a giant cruiser known as V'ger was headed towards Earth, sucking in the merchant ships of the Romanuluns.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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