Scientists Say Homo Erectus Not Just Named for his Stature

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 9 November 2010

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Homo Erectus Taunting other species with smaller equipment

Following years of study by archeologists both here in the United States and Europe, scientists are now claiming that homo erectus, an extinct species of hominid, could have been given his name for more than one reason.

Though fossilized bones are the prime target for any self respecting, or self loathing archeologist, they have apparently missed clues as to one species' more appropriate claim to fame. Not only was homo erectus the first hominid species to walk completely upright, but he was apparently hung like an buffalo as well. "We never paid much attention to fleshy or cartilage shadows left in the surrounding dirt, we always looked to reclaim the bones", says Dr. Wadsworth I. Tooya. "That's how we missed the tool kit this hominid was packing. I guess we'll refer to him as Mr. Erectus from now on".

Indeed. New excavations do show the darker outlines of decomposed flesh and cartilage at homo erectus' midsection, jutting out from his pelvic bone. "Truly awe inspiring", says Tooya. "This must also have been the first species of female hominids that potentially enjoyed the mating ritual, unless of course the male partner was homo erectus prematuro, an variant of the erectus species with incredibly small and overactive testicles".

Scientists and archaeologists still can't explain why homo erectus did walk upright, except to say that he could. "Could have been pride", suggests Tooya. "He would have been one of the biggest swinging dicks in on the earth".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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