Tony Hayward Awarded Coveted Geologist of the Year Award

Funny story written by Charpa93

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

image for Tony Hayward Awarded Coveted Geologist of the Year Award
Yacht Races off the Coast of Boca Raton, FL

BP CEO, Tony Hayward has just been announced the winner of the Arthur L. Day Medal given by the Geological Society of America for what they claim is his outstanding contribution to bringing geology to the forefront of America's hearts and minds through the oil spill crisis.

The Arthur L. Day Medal is given annually to a geologist for "outstanding distinction in contributing to geologic knowledge through the application of physics and chemistry to the solution of geologic problems."

The GSA confirmed that Mr. Hayward actually nominated himself for the honor as a way of acknowledging his contribution to geologic knowledge. In the part of the application that asks for an explanation of why he thinks he is deserving of the medal, Hayward wrote in near-perfect penmanship: "Hey, I really am a geologist and besides, that is one spectacular geologic problem I'm, I mean, we're dealing with, wouldn't you say?"

Since no other geologist was nominated this year for the medal, the GSA had no other choice but to award the medal to Hayward. In a prepared statement, President Shale Granite had this to say:

"In all the years of my being a member of the Geological Society of America, I've never been more unimpressed with a candidate for the coveted Arthur L. Day Medal. With that said, Mr. Hayward has indeed been persistent in showing the world that a geologist can distance himself from his trade when the right amount of money is laid on the table. He gives all geologists hope that a geologic disaster might someday get them the recognition they have fought for their entire careers. There is only so much crawling around on rocks and hammering on them with peen hammers to get a little sample of absolutely nothing most of the time to make us wake up and see that the true fame of a geologist can only come from mining his skills (pun intended) in a more corporate way."

The award is expected to be presented to Hayward at a small banquet in Boca Raton, Florida in two weeks, following Hayward's attendance at that city's annual Whitebred Yacht Races.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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