NASA HQ, Groom Lake - (Curveball Mess): Officially the coms sat was lost in 1997 after a freak magnetic storm detelted tracking signals.
Also - officially - there was no on-board spirograph attached to its signals relay hard drive.
Bur newly decrypted NASA files show the 1960s geometric drawing tool producing hypotrochoid and epitrochoid mathematical curves was hardwired into the 401 before launch - along with fridge magnets depicting the famous Pi equation.
This mathematical constant is significant because its value describes the ratio between a circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space.
This week NASA boffins reported that a freak electromagnetic turbulence turned the 401 add-on into an awesome etcher of corn field omens - as revered by happy clappy vegan nutjobs everywhere.
Telstar 401 was launched in 1993 to provide hybrid C- and Ku-band transmissions and supported digital compression from a geosynchronous orbit at 97 degrees W.
A series of NASA Jet Convulsion Laboratory's press releases managed to convince Fox Broadcasting, CBS, PBS, ABC, and UPN TV networks that their signals relayer was destroyed beyong salvage.
But evidence released this week shows the 401 has been lurking behind the dark side of the moon since that day in 1997 when New Labour came into power in the UK.
An update follows later this week.