Derek Acorah, world famous psychic medium and carpet whisperer has teamed up with Apple to create the Derek Acorah iPhone Applelet.
This applet has three functions. Firstly, it does away with the need to store telephone numbers of your contacts. Using the power of psychic prediction it works out their number from their birthday, birthstone and name. It is not always completely accurate, however, the resulting conversations can be highly entertaining.
The second function of the Acorah Applelet is to contact dead people. Acorah has revealed that all dead people are assigned a unique number upon dying, and the number of people who have died now runs into the billions, so the number of the recently died look suspiciously like ordinary phone numbers. Ringing one-two-three contacts the one hundred and twenty-third person to have died, who now has the job reading the time out to whomever calls. Dialling one gets some guy called Abel, who is quite truculent regarding taking calls.
The final, and most impressive aspect of the Acorah Applelet is to allow people to use their phone to make calls even after it has died. Installing the application and then deliberately cracking the battery until acid leaks onto your shoes, and the phone can still make calls, although only to other dead phones with the Acorah Applelet installed on it.
Apple are hoping that the police will be the main purchasers of this application because if they can work out the number of a murder victim, they can ask who killed them, whilst if somebody is trapped with a dead iPhone they can call the police's dead iPhone and be rescued.
"It's so phenomenal," said Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart in surprisingly good English for a dead eighteenth century Austrian. "I've bought ten, and I am writing an iSymphony!"
