Cigarette Butts, the Elixir of Life for Chinese Waterways

Funny story written by C. Cranium

Thursday, 13 May 2010

image for Cigarette Butts, the Elixir of Life for Chinese Waterways
China, home to 1/2 billion smokers.

General Tsao, China. Scientists from Philo Doris Tobacco in Shanghai have announced there is a good reason to keep smoking in China. Cigarette butts are toxic enough to kill invasive species fish (darn rainbows), while the local fish (majestic carp) are only marginally affected by the butt pollution.

The wise and exalted Chinese government is encouraging the disposal of butts in the Yangtze River by offering a reward of ten Yuan per pound of butts thrown off a bridge.

Cigarette butts protect steel pipes from corroding and rusting. Experiments submerged butts in water with the type pipe used for drinking and irrigation and they were protected from rusting, corrosion, and zebra muscles. The iron in the pipe did not dissolve any more after the butt treatment, saving the government billions of Yuan is replacement costs.

The research was led by Zhao Junior University School of Engineering and Protecting Vital Industry and funded by China's state Brotherly Petroleum Foundation. According to the research ½ billion smokers deposit twenty billion butts in the environment each year .

No longer regarded as an eyesore or toxic pollutant cigarette butts provide beneficial uses for the country.

Research is continuing for the use of cigarette butt water as a silver polish and sun screen.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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