Written by Wumf

Friday, 19 March 2010

image for Scientists at the Hadron Collider set record for "Jim Beam" energy
A tourist captured this photo of the Collider shortly before the accident

A record three times the energy level was achieved at the recently restarted European Organization for Nuclear Research center in Geneva, Switzerland yesterday.

The collider's usual speed limit is set at 1 Trillion electron volts but overly celebrating scientists at the facility failed to appoint a "designated operator" and the smashed atom smashers drove the speeding machine into a mountain in the nearby Alps at an estimated 3 Trillion TeVs
(electron volts) per hour.

Massive damage was sustained in the accident. Repair costs are estimated to be over 500 million euros by Ray's Lucerne Auto Body and Hadron Collider repairs. Der Alpen Fixin, a local environmental group has put the cost of mountain repair at somewhere around 100 million green certificates or "Heidis" (named for the famous singer and goatherd that put the country on the map).

"We felt like we were tapping into the secrets of the universe", said one hungover scientist,"unfortunately, we created our own 'big bang'".

Jim Beam whiskey and all other alcohol has been permanently banned from the collider grounds to prevent occurrences like this from reoccurring.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: LHC, Cern, Jim Beam

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