Sex Discovered as Best Cure for Lack of Sex

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Wednesday, 4 November 2009

Hey!

The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Sex Discovered as Best Cure for Lack of Sex

Following an exhaustive seven year study by an international field of noted researchers and scientists, the pure act of sex was discovered to be the only real cure for the lack of sex.

Though many activities, dietary changes and drug substances were tested for their abilities to replace the satisfactory effects of sexual activity, none were found to provide the euphoric and calming effects normally experienced by ringing someone's bell.

Dr. Buster Nutsakks from the Center for Orgasmic Studies tells reporters, "We had hoped that a nice five kilometer run, or a piece of chocolate cake, or even a little LSD in a glass of wine might replace sex's natural euphoric effects, but much to our disappointment, no." Commenting further, Nutsakks said, "Our test subjects were better off by rubbing one out in the privacy of our laboratory bathrooms."

Asked if the effects were similar between men and women, Nutsakks replied, "Frankly the women's bathroom floor was stickier than the men's. I'm guessing the relaxing and stress relieving effects work on the women just the same. Clearly though, one of our female test subjects was a frequent squirter."

The 3,790 page report is available online at the C.O.S. website, but nobody seems to make it past test subject video link. "We fear that people just want to see our squirter in action, rather than read the results."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more