UK Scientists Give Fly False Memories, Ulcer

Funny story written by JP Johnston

Saturday, 24 October 2009

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Oxford, England: In a breakthrough for neuroscience, scientists at the Costalot Coffee Oxford University have given a fly false memories using a laser.

The work was announced by Professor Vissarion Meerschaum. His team had spent painstaking months finding the mechanism for laying down memories of unpleasant events, and used low-intensity coherent light fantastic to stimulate the cells.

At first they began by convincing a house fly that it had left the gas oven on. It was noticeably nervous throughout the day, until it was allowed to go and check. The fly was then convinced that it had called a bluebottle a dirty blue-arsed bastard and was worried about being beaten up by it.

It became extremely agitated upon exposure to the colour blue. Lastly the fly was certain that it had always had a set of lottery numbers it put on for its aged mother, but had spent the money on a pint instead and the numbers had all come up.

As an unexpected result, however, the fly developed an ulcer, which perforated, and it died.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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