Seattle: Members of the press were shocked today as Steve Jobs unveiled the latest version of the i-phone. The new phone, which Jobs described as 'revolutionary' is a third of the size of the current model and is re-charged as you sleep by inserting it in your ass. To say this writer was disturbed by Jobs' demonstration would be an understatement.
While the phone re-charged Jobs described how the process worked. "The technology we have developed allows the moisture formed inside the ass to create a low but constant electric current which re-charges the phone. It is the constant warm temperature of the ass which allows the charge to be maintained throughout the night no matter where the owner lives".
When asked if sleeping with a phone up your ass was uncomfortable Jobs replied (while extracting his own phone) "It is very uncomfortable for the first week. After that you get used to it".
Jobs was also asked if the electrical current posed a health risk, a concern he brushed aside, "In testing we discovered that it is possible that you may receive an average of one electrical shock per night. However, as I mentioned, the shock is very minor. Personally I would go so far as to describe the sensation as pleasant".
The phone will retail for $59.99.
