New Phone aimed at Women

Funny story written by Not The Nine O'clock News

Wednesday, 12 August 2009


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image for New Phone aimed at Women
As well as looking great, women now can use a mobile phone

Sony Ericsson yesterday announced a new phone, the Dolce & Gabbana Jalou, aimed solely at the fairer sex in an effort to get more women involved in technology.

For years now women have allegedly struggled with technology, often thinking that the word was intended for male geeks and anoraks, but the new Jalou clamshell phone is set to put those old tired feminist thoughts to waste.

Long gone will be cries from women about how men 'understand phones but can't operate the washing machine'

The new phone will have some amazing new 'women only' features listed as follows

1) Two HUGE buttons that say 'ANSWER' & 'END CALL'
2) 6 Hour continuous use Battery Life for 'reasonable length' calls
3) Camera with a great big fucking HUGE button on it that says 'FUCKIN PRESS ME'
4) Display size 36/24/34
5) Memory features - ability to record & memorize anything their hubby has ever said to them.
6) Pop out Lipstick pen, for on the go use.
7) Hands free option when driving/applying make-up
8) Vibrator alert for when hubby is away
9) PMT sms mms instant messaging
10) RSS (Real Shoe Size) reader.

Jalou, which is French for 'Simple', will have the very special Dolce & Gabbbana brand name embossed on its shell and will also come accessorized with matching handbag, shoes & jewellery.

Jane Willows of Northampton England said "thank fuck for that, I always struggle to use my phones features, especially how to find the sms, contacts & camera part, but with the new PMT feature I know I will now not get miffed at everything that happens. The battery used to run out on me, even after very short 3 hour call to my mother, but this new 6 hour battery will allow for a decent conversation about fuck all"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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