Top 10 Internet searches

Funny story written by Kent Pete

Sunday, 9 August 2009

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Despite having a global reach and an almost endless list of topics to browse, the most popular Internet searches are still surprisingly personal.

With billions of pages to surf, including the recent US Presidential election and actress Patricia Routledge, a new survey has revealed the most frequent search is in fact the question: Am I pregnant?

According to search engine, which analyses 20 million searches per month, the top question in 2008 was the same as the previous year.

To cater for the high demand a new website www.uptheduff.web has been created by John Young of Welwyn Garden City, Herts

"Medical science has come a long way in recent years. We are now able to tell conclusively if a women is pregnant by studying her facial expression. By submitting a photograph to our website our team of experts are able to confirm whether the subscriber is or is not with child. We believe we are competitive. Our service can be purchased for £4.99 compared to a pregnancy test kit which can retail for anything up to £30. We claim a 99.5% accuracy rate but always suggest a client confirm's the result with their local physician"

Another question to enter the top 10 for the first time is "Who is the Geordie voice on Big Brother?", which came in at number nine.

The 'Geordie' is the enigmatic commentator on Channel 4's popular reality TV show whose identity is never revealed on the programme. For many years it was assumed to be Gateshead born British actor and broadcaster Marcus Bentley. However recent doubts have surfaced due to the fact that Bentley has been a permanent resident in the USA since 2004 and has been unable to return to Britain for tax reasons.

As might be expected, the answer to the question about him is not straighforward. refers questioners to sites which speculate on a string of possible candidates, including footballer Peter Beardsley, athlete Steve Cram, celebrity wife Cheryl Cole and even author Catherine Cookson who died 2 years before Big Brother was first broadcast.

However, in light of the recent financial meltdown, questions about finance have been at the forefront of people's minds.

The most popular money-related questions were : 'What is the minimum wage?', 'Where can I get a cheap loan?' 'How old does my child have to be before they can work full time?' and 'Legally does hand relief come under the category of prostitution?' which constituted 45% of all internet searches in Salford, Manchester.

Other frequent questions were more general and somewhat curious in nature, such as 'Why is the sky blue?' and 'How do I lose weight?'

The answers to these include: "Rayleigh scattering" and "Eat less chocolate and do some exercise you fat bastard".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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