A Series of Unfortunate Events

Funny story written by smurfette

Monday, 27 July 2009

image for A Series of Unfortunate Events
Artist's impression of possible impact of Michael Jackson burial.

LOS ANGELES, CA, USA A panel of top scientists which convened in Los Angeles this week has issued a unanimous statement in which they unequivocally attribute the recent series of unusual natural phenomena to the repeated attempted burials of the late King of Pop, Michael Jackson.

On July 15, a magnitude 7.8 quake, the strongest in the world this year, struck off New Zealand's South Island during an attempted burial of Jackson there. Rob Valentine, the mayor of Hobart in Australia's island state of Tasmania, says New Zealand's biggest earthquake in 78 years pushed the neighbors 30 centimeters (12 inches) closer. Hobart is the Australian city nearest to New Zealand, separated by 1,530 kilometers (951 miles) of water across the Tasman Sea. Alarmed Australian officials demanded the immediate removal of Jackson's remains.

Similarly, the Texas town of Cleburne has experienced several quakes this month. Earthquakes struck on July 22, 23, 24 and 26, all following attempted Jackson internments there. Texas state officials have requested that the Jackson family make alternate burial plans.

NASA officials are reported to be in negotiations with Jackson family members to launch the golden casket into space, but are rumored to be fearful of the impact on the safety of the space program.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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