Michael Jackson Autopsy Results Leaked to Press

Funny story written by Jalapenoman

Friday, 26 June 2009


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

The preliminary results of the Michael Jackson autopsy were leaked to the press this afternoon in Southern California. The autopsy confirms that the King of Pop suffered a massive coronary and died due to loss of heart function.

The autopsy also revealed that 37 gloves were found inside of the anal cavity of the singer. All of the gloves were for the left hand (answering the mystery of why he only had right gloves).

Other details show that, while Jackson had chemically changed the color of the skin on his face, hands, arms, chest, and feet, the color of his genitals was still black (as has been confirmed by at least five former boys who were known to have shared his bed).

The autopsy also confirmed rumors that Michael was taking estrogen. This was confirmed by the c-cup breasts that have long been suspected due to the amount of clothing that Jackson has worn up top in recent years.

Former bodyguard and lover Willaim Eugene Riggs (the famous Billie Jean of song) affirmed this by saying that "Michael knew that there couldn't be anything white that big, so he left his Johnson black. He also had them big old titties so he could hit the high notes without cutting off his balls."

The presence of six gerbils in the anal cavity alongside the gloves could not be explained. Actor Richard Gere refused to comment on this issue.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more