Bulimic WVV Epidemic

Funny story written by IainB

Monday, 29 December 2008

image for Bulimic WVV Epidemic
Three bulimics in hospital

With the festive season well under way, it has transpired that bulimics are deliberately infecting themselves with the norovirus, otherwise known as the Winter Vomiting Virus.

This incredibly aggressive virus begins with mild cold symptoms before developing into diarrhoea, vomiting and drastic weight loss. Three of the things that sufferers of bulimia induce on a daily basis.

Now these Typhoid Marys are holding parties to ensure that they catch the dreaded bug over the holiday period to allow them to eat as much as they like during the Festive Feasting.

"I almost feel normal," said Brenda Biggins, a bulimic from Birmingham, "knowing I can eat like everybody else, and I will be able to puke it all up without people pointing and staring like they normally do."

Historically, bulimics have been forced to drink copious amounts of low-calorie alcohol in order to throw up without ridicule, but norovirus has given them a better excuse.

"The government is constantly warning us about the dangers of binge drinking," said Brenda. "And in order to eat like a normal person, we have to drink twenty or thirty WKDs. Now with WVV we can eat what we like, and throw it all up on the second of January."

Government advice over the norovirus is to stay at home for two days after symptoms have disappeared, which is an added bonus to people like Brenda. "Not only do we lose weight, we get a bit of a longer holiday. It's like being Scottish. Only with weight loss."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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