Large Hadron Collider Responsible for Global Financial Crisis

Funny story written by chris whewell

Tuesday, 23 December 2008

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The switch off of the controversial CERN Large Hadron Collider on 19th September, only 9 days after it was first switched on, had initially been reported as being necessary due to a leak of 6 tonnes of liquid helium, which had damaged the massive electromagnets (used to propel the beam of electrons around the 27km circuit at close to the speed of light.)

Critics of the LHC had campaigned against the initial startup of the machine, claiming that switching it on could cause unknown effects, including the formation of a black hole.

Now, it can be revealed that their worst fears had in fact come true almost immediately, and a small, yet terrifyingly significant black hole had formed, forcing the hasty shutdown for repairs.

The site of the tunnels which house the LHC, run beneath both France and Switzerland, and it is in Switzerland that the problems have manifested themselves most drastically.

It appears that a Financial Black Hole opened up in Geneva, directly beneath the city's famous banking centre.

Several big players on the global financial stage, had their Geneva branches swallowed whole within the 9 day period that the LHC ran.

It was hoped that switching off the LHC would have halted the process but with internet, ethernet and intranet connections still active on either side of the Financial Black Hole (FBH), cash continues to be swallowed on a massive scale.

As governments across the planet continue to pour money into the FBH, in "an attempt to fill it up" a US Treasury Department source has estimated that the final cost of the Financial Black Hole may yet run into trillions of dollars.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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