Scientists claim "break-through of the century"

Written by Rowan

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

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The missing link

Amidst staggering scenes in London last night, several leading scientists claimed a break-through in science that they believe "will be sure to astound the shit out of people!"

They claim that they are in possession of irrefutable evidence that points to man - animal relations dating back centuries and that "manimals" as it were, peacefully co-exist within society at present.

"We were all sitting around the office one day looking up porn on the internet when we happened to chance upon a photo of a man we initially thought was the missing link - George W Bush" said Dr Nick Rastapopolous.

"Upon further inspection and taking into account his simian features, we traced back his ancestry hundreds of years and found that his Great great great great great Aunty Lillian was actually a monkey".

Taking this further, the scientists of London's Ultra Scientific Laboratory Experiments Place Thingy or USLEPT for short came up with more amazing "Manimal" observations.

These include:

  • Salman Rushdie - Half man half Panda Bear
  • Wayne Rooney - Half Troll half man
  • Pete Doherty - Half ferret half crack whore
  • Tommy Lee - Half horse half man [you know what I'm talking about]
  • Kevin Pietersen - half south African half man

While you won't be able to spot a "manimal" until you get up close, rest assured they are out there and, as scientists believe, are waiting for us to let our guard down so they can take over.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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