Unbreakable Cryptography Broken

Funny story written by IainB

Friday, 10 October 2008

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Einstein did not like Quantum

Boffins at the Schmitt Institute, Berlin announced that they have broken the Unbreakable Quantum Cryptography system set up by rival educational institution, the Schmitt Academy, also Berlin.

"After analysing the output from their 200 kilometre fibre optic cable, we deduced that the key to unlocking the code was to have my seven year old son, Hans, look at it," said Adolf Whittler, who wished to remain anonymous.

Whittler explained that the rival boffins at the Academy had thought the code unbreakable because none of them had been able to break it.

"I figured that because Hans could work the DVD player and had reached level 100 on Zelda, he could have a crack at it. Hans said it was easier than reading German Text Speak."

German text speak is more difficult to read than English text speak. In Englsh Txt Spk words are shortened, whereas in German text speak, all the spaces are removed as well.

"I cannot read German Text Speak," Whittler continued. "Hans can, and he used that knowledge to break the unbreakable code."

The Schmitt Academy are said to be baffled. Eva Braun-Whittler, Hans's Mother, who worked on the Quantum Cryptography team at the Schmitt Academy, had this to say: "We thought, with the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, that we would know if somebody had read the message, but it turns out that kids are experts in reading stuff without their parent's knowing."

Hans Whittler, who cannot speak English said: "C'e ancora tutti bene!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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