Written by Suzanne Hammond

Thursday, 3 July 2008

A HIDDEN HOARD OF MILLIONS of sex slaves is being unearthed by police potholing beneath the Pennines.

The undergound chamber is expected to explain the difference between the millions of woman and child human trafficking victims estimated to be in the UK and the half dozen actually found by the country's 55 police forces after 10 months of searching brothels from Lands End to John O'Groats.

Dr Tim Brain, who is masterminding the operation from a police helicopter on the Lancashire-Yorkshire border, said: "This is a despicable crime, in which young women and children are lured into the country with promises of cushy jobs in the police enjoying themselves in brothels all day, only to find themselves ruthlessly exploited at the hands of merciless pimps and the gangsters of organised crime."

Dr Brain explained that the perpetrators of the wickedness knew no bounds. "The youngest victim we've found hasn't even been born yet," he added.

Police became suspicious when a hiker walking over Cross Fell reported a female voice with a Chinese accent coming from beneath the ground, shouting: "I'm a nanny, get me out of here."

Asked why it has taken more than two years for the police to uncover the hoard, Dr Brain explained that the task of getting the helicopter down the pothole had proved extraordinarily technically challenging.

The rescuing of the subterrainean sex slaves is great news for the UK's four national football teams. The presence of millions of human trafficking victims in the UK is widely blamed for the failure of any of the four nations to not only qualify for Euro 2008 but to find eleven men between them capable of standing up.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Secret, mountain, Tunnel

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