Merck patients committing suicide, according to FDA

Funny story written by NickFun

Friday, 28 March 2008

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Many patients see spiders after taking pills like these

Many users of the popular asthma and allergy drug Singulair seem to be experiencing mood changes and committing suicide, according to FDA regulators.

A Merck spokesperson was quick to defend the medication. "There are reasons aside from the drug that people are committing suicide", the spokesperson said. "When people start taking the medication they feel healthier and better about themselves. This causes people to become more outgoing and get into romantic relationships. The relationships don't work out and they kill themselves".

The FDA, on the other hand, claimed that Merck was selling a mind altering pharmaceutical which causes patients to see spiders crawling on the walls and fairies dancing in the moonlight.

One Merck patient said he experience both effects. "I see a few spiders and fairies but now my asthma feels better and I'm getting married next month".

In a separate interview the patients fiancée said she was not going to marry him after all. "I don't want to be married to a man who sees spiders and fairies", she stated.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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