Written by Sirge

Thursday, 24 January 2008

image for Scientists announce probability of Britney "one in a Trillion"
A 3D Simulation of Britney Spears, as seen in the TACI multi-screen immersive environment

Scientists at the Texas Advanced Center for Inquiry (TACI) announced that they have calculated the probability of Britney Spears. Using IBM's "Blue Jeans" million processor supercomputer behemoth, the group processed data from the Human Genome Project to simulate the probability of spontaneous creation of a Britney-like entity.

Dr. James Loudtrouser, leader of the TACI group, explained: "We entered all the gene data we could lay our hands on, co-added it to simulated data from CERN's Large Hadron Collider, convoluted it with a parton density function compatible with life on Mars, extracted the principal components of the resultant vectors, and fed the results to our multi-screen fully immersive virtual reality wall display. We were sitting around discussing celebrity bra cup sizes when we were absolutely flabbergasted to observe a full 3D likeness of Britney Spears emerge from the white noise on the screens. Our calculations show that the probability of Britney creation is approximately one in 1,459,852,327,591."

The result is sure to send large ripples across the surface of the academic pond. Initial reaction to the discovery is so far mixed. Herbert Herzog at MIT's Media Center commented: "This is an interesting result, but our calculations show that the probability of a Britney should be approximately the same as that for a Paris Hilton, about one in five. We suspect the TACI researchers fucked up somewhere."

Britney was unavailable for comment.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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