Chimp pimps

Funny story written by Skews Me

Wednesday, 12 September 2007


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I got the best stuff in town, want to mess around?

Today's headlines have been abuzz with news that chimpanzees will trade food for sex. But what the mainstream outlets don't mention is the actual extent of this prostitution.

Television programs including the popular Today Show joked how male chimps in the West African village of Bossou in the Republic of Guinea have been raiding orchards for the choicest pieces of fruit for the choicest pieces of ass.

The objects of their monkey love are often the most promiscuous females.

Trading a papaya stolen from farms in order to get groomed or more is widespread among the colonies, but the mainstream press seems reluctant to expose just how organized this sex trade is.

The more ingenious male apes are receiving grooming and additional perks from other males in order to stockpile fruit which they in turn dole out to their chosen comrades.

Even the most infirmed males are able to obtain sex with fruit donated by allied individuals.

One chimpanzee researcher Dr. Kimberley Hockings of Stirling University nicknamed George has amassed more than 50 pounds of the most delectable food items along with several guards to watch over the delights.

George freely has sex with several females but also allows his cohorts access to them by means of his handouts.

The females appear cooperative in this symbiotic relationship, but that may actually be the result of the negative consequences that come with refusing "consortships" with males offering sufficient compensation.

Copyright © 2007, SkewsMe

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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