Vatican City (IP) - Our religious reporter recently toured the Vatican. While there he found out about a new device being distributed around the world that will take most of the pain out of the exorcism process and allows patients to lose their love handles at the same time.
The device is simply a liposuction apparatus with silver crosses painted on the cheaper model. The more expensive models have real silver crosses mounted on them.
Exorcism has always been considered to be one of the more painful religious rituals what with all of the head turning and twisting and convulsions and other violent physical reactions. All that has changed with the exorcism liposuction device.
The patient is given a mild sedative and some anesthesia and while totally unconscious the various demons afflicting the evil doer are simply sucked out through a tube and are then placed into a wooden box. The wooden box is then thrown into the hospital incinerator and the pesky demons are vaporized.
There will be no more cursing and swearing and unpleasant language heard about what one's mother is doing in hell nor is there any need for the device's operator to know a lick of Latin. The patient wakes up in a great mood totally unaware of what has transpired and the only set back will be the requirement of a new wardrobe for the newly purified and thinner ex-evil doer.
