Monday, 4 June 2007


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image for XBox 360 Semen Protector - Inventor talks!
Marmalade Lovecraft was caught masturbating over his Xbox 360 console.

CAMBRIDGE, UK - 04/06/07. When Professor Masterton Lovecraft walked in on his son, Marmalade, he was shocked at what he found. Thinking that the grunting noises coming from his son's bedroom were that from Microsoft's mega-hit "Gears of War" he was taken back to find Marmalade masturbating over his games console.

"All the XBox 360 owners do it, Father!" Marmalade said while hurriedly placing his genitalia back into his trousers.

It was only later that Professor Lovecraft finally came to the reason why his son was on his fifth XBox 360 in two years. It wasn't the fact the machine was so unreliable. Semen splattered onto the consoles were obviously seeping in and damaging the electronics inside.

"It was at that point that I realised I could make a protective sheath for the console. Sort of like a console condom!"

He took his idea to Microsoft where men were furiously testing Halo 3 Multiplayer Beta. By the end of the session the consoles were literally dripping with excitement.

"During the next test, I placed the Xbox Condoms over the machines. There were holes cut in the material to allow the console to breath but at the same time protect the insides from saturation."

The test was a success. However, Microsoft declined to take Professor Lovecraft's offer up, citing manufacturing difficulties.

"I think the real reason is economics," the Professor said dejectedly. "Microsoft obviously makes more money every time one of their consoles breaks down so safeguarding against that isn't the kind of news the Seattle firm's beancounters want to hear."

Lovecraft says that he has patented the idea and hopes to find a manufacturer for his idea.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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