Evidence found for dimensional annealling

Funny story written by Rionn Fears Malechem

Monday, 26 January 2004

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Differences in perception of President George W. Bush may hold the key to proving dimensional annealing

Analysts of popular political opinions have had help resolving a major conundrum -- the perception that Bush supporters and detractors seem to live in different worlds -- from an unexpected source. Scientists now say this could be evidence of dimensional annealing, the merging of two heretofore different worlds.

"It's the flipside of the popular 'dimensional cleaving' theory,' explains Kip Thorne, Cal-Tech researcher. Dimensional cleaving has been popularized by such movies as the Gwyneth Paltrow blockbuster 'Sliding Doors.' "According to wormhole theory, these dimensions should eventually exhaust themselves and join back together." Basic physical laws, such as cause and effect, would not differ between the two universes, but might play out differently. In one dimension, policy positions might help create scientific results, whereas it would be the reverse in the other.

Dimensional annealing is a central tenet of wormhole theorys, however no physical evidence can be found of dimensional annealing. The two dimensions need to be physically identical to merge. Researchers had given up hope on testing the theory, when the opportunity arose to view it from a social science perspective.

Henry Jenkins, MIT researcher in Comparative Media, explains the study's methodology. "We were doing a survey, asking subjects to evaluate statements like "Government surveillance of library borrowing is a reasonable response to 19 hijackers crashing airplanes into New York's World Trade Center's twin towers," and we noticed a startling correlation in responses to apparently unrelated questions. I had recently read a 'New Scientist' article on the search for evidence of dimensional annealing, and I just put two and two together."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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