MIAMI – (Satire News) – A group of oceanic scientists have just announced that the mysteriously mystical Bermuda Triangle is actually not a triangle, but a trapezoid.
Dr. Filbert R. Fibbingshire stated that the somewhat scary, somewhat legendary Bermuda Triangle was first discovered in 1741, by the 16-year-old phenom Portuguese explorer Porto Marimba-Marimba.
He found it by accident, when Hurricane Miley wrecked his ship and he and his crew of 291 sailors where shipwrecked on the Caribbean island of Santa Claustrophobia.
Marimba-Marimba’s men survived for 47 days and 46 nights by eating sand crabs, palm tree bark, and praying mantis.
Dr. Fibbingshire noted that we now know that the Bermuda Triangle is actually the Bermuda Trapezoid, due to graphic photographs that U.S astronauts Mr. and Mrs. Rusty P. Striesner, recently took from 800 miles up in the spacecraft Americana Oh Susanna.
There are some skeptics who say that the Bermuda Trapezoid (nee Bermuda Triangle) is merely a figment of the very imaginative imaginations of some silly individuals.
Well, like Dr. Fibbingshire has said, tell that to the crew and passengers of the Siren of the Monogamous Mermaid of the Sea cruise ship, which disappeared in 1959, the crew and passengers of JetBlue Flight 1313, which disappeared in 2013, and also to Mississippi native Riley Belltocker, who, just two weeks ago, was riding his jetski from Buloxi, Mississippi to Barcelona, Spain, and is still missing.