Greta Thunberg Is Planet Earth's Number One Enemy

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 11 October 2019

image for Greta Thunberg Is Planet Earth's Number One Enemy
The biggest threat to mass extinction there is

Greta Thunberg, the schoolgirl activist on climate change, is, according to a man sat thinking about it in his tea break, Planet Earth's 'Public Enemy Number One'.

Moys Kenwood, 56, was reading a report about Thunberg's campaigning exploits, when he noticed the slogan 'Save the Planet'. After thinking about this for a minute, he theorized that, if people made the changes Thunberg was promoting, human behaviour towards the environment would alter, carbon emissions might fall, fewer other greenhouse gases would be released into the atmosphere, the ozone layer would not be depleted as quickly, temperatures would not rise so highly, the polar ice would not melt so drastically, sea levels would remain largely stable, and towns, cities and other living areas would be unaffected by the small changes.

With all this in mind, people would continue to live safely on the Earth.

But this is not what the Earth wants.

Indeed, this is the opposite of what the Earth wants. The Earth, it's thought, would quite like the opportunity to get on with whatever it was getting on with before humans came along, and Greta Thunberg butting in like this, is becoming a real threat to the Earth's plans.

The Earth doesn't mind a few degrees change in its temperature; nor does it care whether its surface is covered in luscious green vegetation, ice, sand, brown mud, barren wastelands or, indeed, water. In fact, after a long period of stability, it now fancies a change for the next 10 million years or so.

Planet Earth's spokesman, Jonas Salk, said before he died in 1995:

"If all the insects were to disappear from the Earth, within fifty years, all life on Earth would end. If all human beings disappeared from the Earth, within fifty years, all forms of life would flourish."

Get ready.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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