Chemistry Weekly Round-Up

Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 29 June 2019

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Don't try this at home!

It's been an exciting week in the world of Chemistry, with several things happening and several things not.

A schoolboy in a Science lesson in Braintree in Essex, mixed some magnesium phosphate with a test tube of potassium permanganate, and caused 'unrest'. The school has launched an appeal for a new lab roof.

In Tewkesbury, pranksters at a research institute switched the labels on a flask of sodium sulphide to sodium chloride. When this came into contact with a phial of barium sulphate, there was trouble.

Cartographers were due to arrive in the area today to survey the situation.

Two young scallywags from Rochdale decided to give their friends a shock, and dropped some copper sulphate crystals into a glass of ammonium hydrate. They then stood back and watched their pals' hair change colour.

Nitric acid found in a shed in Harlesden by pensioner, Tom Einstein, was poured into a half-bottle of whisky which was also found in the shed. The shed is no longer there. Tom is thought to be on Mars.

When Betty Wilson from Taunton in Somerset somehow combined a quantity of sodium hypochlorite (bleach) with a few drops of acetic acid (vinegar), a loud noise was the result. And a right fucking mess in her kitchen.

She won't be doing that again in a hurry.

In Grimsby, a quantity of sodium phosphide was accidentally thrown into a fishbowl of water, whilst the goldfish were still in it. Some of the fish thought it was food, and came to nibble at it.

That was before the fire that engulfed the town.

Glenda Slagg, from Wrexham, was using hydrogen peroxide to 'colour' her hair, but this plan fell apart when her ex-boyfriend called to see her. During the exchange that followed, some sulphuric acid was introduced to Glenda's barnet, and there was a spontaneous detonation, the results of which, are going to be expensive to repair.

WARNING: Using chemicals can be dangerous. Make sure there is an adult present when you carry out experiments, or, at least, ask your parents first.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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