Wednesday, 27 December 2006

image for Scientists Propose Converting Soldiers Directly into Oil
Nodding donkeys will become redundant...but not the politicians

Scientists in Houston, Texas today proposed that each nation convert a number of their soldiers directly into oil. They know now that previous wars for oil were very messy and expensive and have found a reasonable solution which will be mutually beneficial and environmentally friendly to all nations. Converting 100,000 soldiers from each country directly into oil every year, would eliminate the horrible economic waste of war and all of the logistical nightmares war generates.

A birthday based lottery would determine which soldiers would be processed into high grade fuels suitable for use in today's fuel hungry SUVs. The lottery would insure that all levels of society would contribute equally and fairly and that unlike in the Vietnam war where no sons of any American politician died - there would now be no escape from the modern computer generated lottery. The Dierite Corporation ( which manufactures computerized voting machines ) has won the lucrative contract to put the lottery system into action.

This oil production plan also cuts down on the unemployment rate and slows down the explosive population growth on the already over taxed planet. There will be no need for basic training or boot camp for these soldiers and the more obese they are the more cost efficient the process will be. A preemptive parallel program - the prisoner to oil conversion system also will create more respect for the world wide police state and keep down the under class and other hooligan elements and prevent them from gathering too much rebellious steam .

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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