Friday, 25 May 2018

image for Flat Earth Society plan mission to Mars
Flat Earthers iron globes before they sell them

The Flat Earth Society has grown in popularity in recent years, as the chronic underfunding of education starts to bite, and civilisation begins its inevitable decline back to the Stone Age. Prominent Flat Earthers include Kanye West, Jacob Rees-Mogg, and US Vice President Mike Pence, who believes globes are sinful.

The head of the Flat Earth Society, Geoff Edge, has announced that he has been raising money to pay for a mission to Mars. He has seen Mars in the sky on numerous occasions, but he believes that it actually lies on the Earth somewhere, in the sea to the east of China.

He is building a giant sailing ship, which he calls his ark. It will carry a group of Flat Earthers to Mars where they will be able to practise their beliefs in peace and to look down upon the Flat Earth from their slightly raised position in Flat Space.

When asked to explain how the sun rises every morning, Mr Globe explained that he subscribes to the Flat Universe theory. "The sun is flat, the sky is clearly flat. The moon is flat and round. It's all flat. Everything is flat! I even live in a flat, and sadly I also suffer from flatulence."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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