Written by Jaggedone

Monday, 6 November 2017

image for Humpty Dumpty pudding and pie has been allowed to die, claim Teachers!
What an inspiration Humpty Dumpty is!!

Kids refuse to learn nursery rhymes these days preferring their smart phones, computers, laptops and are mesmerised by WhatsApp's, snapchat, instagram, and other social media networks, instead of learning a traditional nursery rhyme or two!

"This is totally wrong!" A group of UK teachers have claimed because kids learning rhymes off by heart are much better prepared to learn the garbage modern day curriculum's throw at them in schools today!

So, Jaggedone visited a local UK primary school and tested a bunch of smartphone, hooked 5 year olds, with his version of several traditional nursery rhymes to see if he can entice them away from WhatsApping or whatever; and here they are:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
Then he tweeted,
nuke the f'ing North Koreans, all!

Little Miss Muffet
sat on her tuffet
along came a paedo
and she trod on it!

Little Jack Horner
Sat in a corner
eating his curds away
Then crapped all day

Jack and Jill
went up Hollywood hill
Followed by a man
Called Weinstein, who's f'ing ill!

Mary, Mary quite contrary
Where does your weed grow?
In Holland you clown
Where plants are brown

Baa Baa black sheep
Have you any white wool
No sir, no sir, that's racist
you f'ing fool

Cock a doodle do
we don't eat eggs, poo, poo!
We're vegan and eggs
are taboo to

Etc, etc!

The reactions were 'brainwashingly' excellent from the primary school kids after Jaggedone banned all smartphones from the classroom and forced them to repeat and repeat these fabulous, up-to-date nursery rhymes! Teachers are now implementing Jaggedone's nursery rhymes into the curriculum and asked me to do a Brexit rhyme too, but words just fail me!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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