Back and to the Left news have come across sensational secret documents on Jupiter's "big red spot". We discovered the files on the 3:27 to Worthing On Sea, a train we were only on because a drinking competition had got out of hand. Way out of hand. The files stated:
"Although Jupiter is the largest of all the planets (not that there's anything wrong with large planets, my first girlfriend was of the "larger planet" variety) it is actually only a teenager on cosmic terms. The spots we are seeing appearing on its face are in fact just Jupiter showing the early onset of puberty. That's why we at NASA have put together a proposal to take a giant Clearasil wipe up there and help it deal with its greasy face."
Although these revelations may come as a surprise to some to us it makes perfect sense. Jupiter has often been accused of gorging itself on terrible junk foods which was proven some time ago to be a cause of spots. The cooler planets (Neptune and Saturn) have also been avoiding Jupiter's calls and haven't invited them to anyone of the Universe's parties.
So we at Back and to the Left news urge you all to send a quick email to your local MP explaining that the Clearasil wipe is needed ASAP. A quick solution is needed to help Jupiter get the confidence to ask Mercury out. We've heard she's hot.
Uranus was unavailable for comment.