Imaging obtained of Pluto and its moons has caused fierce controversy at NASA over the last two weeks. One image taken by the Long Range Reconnaissance Imager (LORRI) shows what appears to be a fuzzy blob with distinctive brightness variations. While some scientists in the New Horizons Project Team maintain that this is an image of Hydra, one of Pluto's moons, others scoff at the idea.
NASA SCIENTISTS SPLIT
"Moons are round", said Assistant Project Scientist Bethzy Bindle from California, "not bird shaped with square edges. This looks for all the world like a spaceship to me. If you squish it up a bit it's obvious".
Pausing only to snort a line of speed, claiming to have been awake for 184 hours watching the fantastic images coming in to the mission centre, she continued "What else could cause these bright and dark patches, which I don't believe are random. Remember that this is just one image. If we could see a video I have no doubt we would see the aliens signalling to us in complex mathematical square patterns. It would also look really cool".
NOT A BLACK HOLE
Astrophysicist John Wheeler had a different theory. "This could be the first White Hole ever discovered", he enthused, showing an image of a Black Hole for Comparison.
Possible White Hole
Black Hole
When asked why it was not round, he became incredulous. "You don't expect to find a perfect white hole first time around do you? If you media morons did proper degrees we wouldn't have to waste so much time explaining the obvious to you. What makes you think every black hole is round anyway? Can you see them?"
Project Scientist and LORRI Operations Gopher Brad Simmons said "don't take any notice of some of these junked up arseholes around here. Nothing they come out with would surprise me. I'd take a shotgun to some of them if it was still legal.
"I can tell you that New Horizons has finally nailed the basic physical properties of Hydra. It's a 43km by 33km rock, covered in water ice. Anyone who knew their shit could tell you that just by looking at it. These people wouldn't even have got into NASA as toilet cleaners in my day".
The final word went to Mission Director Fred Granger. "If I had to put money on it, I'd say it was a fuzzy blob probably just floating around out there".
