Plethysmographic Research says Conservatives are Sexually Repressed and Brain Damaged

Written by dave nelson

Sunday, 25 January 2015


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Dr Moishe Pipick head of The Worldwide Center for Sexual Research at Berne University in Berne Switzerland stated today:

"Our latest analysis of the causes of regressive behavior seen mostly in Christian Conservatives clearly shows that sexual repression is the driving force behind their regressive and ignorant behavior patterns and seriously inhibits rational analysis!"

When asked what Plethysmographic behavior analysis was the Dr. explained as follows:

"The genitals of all the volunteers are connected to Plethysmographs - for the men, a little plastic probe that sits in the vagina and, by bouncing light off the vaginal walls, measures genital blood flow. The participants were also given a keypad so that they could rate how aroused they felt. "

He concluded: "These men and Women are extremely frustrated sexually and their natural human instincts for desire and compassion are blocked and damaged and inhibited by early childhood religious indoctrination. Furthermore this repression spills over into cognition which is seriously impeded and evidenced by their attraction to loony tune type thinking and analysis."

The reporter asked Dr. Pipick;"Herr Doctor would,in your opinion, this explain the incoherent rantings constantly made by say the right wing Republican Politicians in America?"

He replied; "Ach! - The ravings you mention from Bible Belters like Sarah Palin and Ted Cruz and Michael Huckelberry and those cookoos like Michelle Bachmann and Bobby Jindal and Rick Perry AND that total Tea Party stupidity and those morons on Fox News: They are like the poster examples for absolute proof of our research findings!"

He concluded; "These are very ill and dangerous folks!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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