Written by Gee Pee

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

SILICONE VALLEY - Facebook has recently decided that, when it comes to women's chests, scars are okay. The social utility has decided that women will be allowed to display photographs of their mastectomy scars. "Even with regard to women, chests are not breasts," Mark Zuckerberg, the company's chief executive officer (CEO), clarified.

The company's decision marks a turning point; until The Scar Project gathered 20,000 signatures protesting Facebook's ban on bare-chested mastectomy survivors, the company had prohibited such pictures, equating portraits of such mutilated women as "pornographic" and "obscene."

However, executives soon discovered that "There is a strong element of pride among the BDSM crowd, and amputees are considered sexy, not indecent," Zuckerberg explained. "In addition, they want to encourage others to enjoy the lifestyle, and that's what Facebook is all about: sharing personal interests and bringing people together."

Although Facebook does have a policy against displays of nudity, mastectomy scars are not considered violations of this policy. "There's nothing to show," Zuckerberg said.

The new policy was established after Facebook had conversations with Scorchy Barrington, a woman who sacrificed both her breasts in the interest of "becoming totally submissive" to her "master," photographer David Jay, complained to Zuckerman, asking him for a "dispensation." She wanted, she said, to "prove to the world, and more importantly, to my Master," that she his "property" and his "slave."

"David wanted me to lose the tits," she explained, "so I did; then, he wanted me to show the world that I had done so, in deference to his authority, so I posted my scars on Facebook." Doing so, she admitted, "caused a bit of a flap with Mark, until he joined the lifestyle."

As a BDSM enthusiast, Zuckerman is considering posting some photographs of himself, "naked, tattooed, pierced, branded, and unashamed," she said.

Zuckerman would neither confirm nor deny her claims, although, he said, Facebook is "reviewing our anti-nudity policy."

At the moment, Facebook still prohibits the posting of photographs that show fully exposed breasts, unless the breasts are being used to feed a child under eighteen years old.

Pictures of women in thongs--"bikinis or lingerie," Zuckerman clarified--"are also acceptable on Facebook, "as they are on most beaches." Americans do not seem to view buttocks as "sexual," he pointed out, "whereas they tend to regard breasts as sex toys."

Zuckerman agreed that "undergoing a mastectomy is a life-changing experience every bit as meaningful as a circumcision and every bit as worthy of celebrating." However, he added that his company "has no plans to show penises, flaccid or erect, anytime soon, "unless enough gay men sign a petition forcing me to change our policy yet again."

"I don't think America is ready for close-ups of men's cocks," Zuckerman said, "but chests are not breasts, and, even if they were, everybody loves boobies."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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