Parachute failed to open? There's an app for that

Funny story written by IainB

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

image for Parachute failed to open? There's an app for that

There are a wealth of Life Logging Apps that record your every waking thought, view and conversation. But what about Death Logging Apps?

"There's a remarkable lack of death related apps," said App World! editor Mac Buck. "Stepping into this void is iDie."

Buck admits that he cannot see many people downloading the app, despite it's wealth of features for the about to die.

"If you're doing a parachute jump, and the back pack opens to reveal a packed lunch and a Thermos flask," said Buck, "then this app will be invaluable. If you remembered to take your phone. Fortunately, the phone will update the cloud, so even if the phone's destroyed during your death, the memories will live on."

The primary function of the applelet is to allow the nearly dead to record their life as it flashes before their eyes.

"This is very easy to do," said Buck. "You start the app, and then stream out a loud of verbal diarrhoea. All the time, the other parts of the app are kicking in."

The app automatically videos the whole process of the death, on the off chance that it is funny enough to upload to Humorous Camera shows and make relatives a bit of cash after the event.

"I've looked at a few of the cloud recordings," Buck said. "Generally, they're very dull, depressing, or both."

One important feature of iDie is that during the stream of consciousness shortly before permanent unconsciousness, if the app spots any deathbed confessions, it passes them onto a priest of relevant denomination, so that the about to die can gain absolution. Additionally, if a solicitor has been listed in the App, it will send a last will and testament to the solicitor.

"These features have to be set up before hand," said Buck. "As they are a little bit fiddly to do while hurtling towards the earth at terminal velocity. They should make the buttons bigger."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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