Psychiatry Deemed a Religion in New Study

Funny story written by Elvin F. Verdad

Friday, 23 June 2006

image for Psychiatry Deemed a Religion in New Study
New Recommended Attire for Psychiatrists

Researchers at Jakarta's renowned Hebrew University recently published a study conclusively proving that Psychiatry should be classified as a religion. The study consisted of a study of Psychiatric textbooks and journals (which will now be known as scriptures) and interviews with Psychiatrists (better classified as priests) and patients (hereafter known as "the flock").

This work brings a logical answer to many nagging questions, like how Psychiatry could be considered the "authority" in matters of the mind when their results in the field have been poor, and are known to cause more damage than benefit. It may also shed some light on the tendency of Psychiatrists to molest children in a much higher percentage than the general populace.

"Psychiatry is portrayed alternately as a scientific study or branch of medicine but either of these is rapidly disproved," says Moshe Sapere of Hebrew University. "The science of Psychiatry is flawed. Their studies are mainly funded by drug companies and they publish illogical conclusions which - Surprise! - make the drug companies look good. Psychiatry claims similarity to medicine but this is in reality only marketing; the only real similarities to actual medicine are clothing and terminology. If you dressed up a parrot in a doctor's smock and taught it some Latin phrases, it wouldn't be a doctor. It's the same with Psychiatrists."

Some of the researchers were reluctant to agree with the "religion" moniker for a group known to be profit-based and harmful, but a study of religions of the past shows that many have been used for profit and have done harm to others. The matter of faith in a deity was also a sticking point but a study of Psychiatric scriptures reveals that Psychiatrists believe in an invisible entity known as "chemical imbalance". The existence of Chemical Imbalance is stated as fact in the texts though there is no proof of his existence, analogous to a Christian's belief in God or a Muslim's belief in Allah.

The key answer that led the researchers to declare Psychiatry as a religion is that their High Priests demand complete belief in unobservable phenomena and continue to forward their beliefs despite no obvious benefit. They are also known to vehemently attack anyone who points out the lack of proof to their claims. Most religions promise salvation in a future existence. Psychiatry does not specifically make those claims but clearly provides dubious benefit in this existence. The researchers are pleased that they have been able to finally clarify this subject and would like to pass the following message to Psychiatrists worldwide, "may Chemical Imbalance bless you".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more