Chavs More Likely to go Deaf

Funny story written by Andy Tattersall

Tuesday, 20 June 2006

image for Chavs More Likely to go Deaf
A Chav Yesterday

Recent research carried out by the University of North Shetlands have found a credible link between Chavs and hearing problems, in particular deafness.
Lead researcher Barry McMadmurdoch has spent the past six months working on the theory that wearing Burberry and Reebock Classic trainers increases the chances of the user becoming deaf.
Chavs, more commonly known for their cheeky banter and happy slapping episodes, have become a common sight in most town centres and Bargain Booze outlets.
McMadmurdoch said: "A lot of evidence has started to emerge clearly showing that months after developing into an adolescent Chav, their hearing will get poorer".
So much so, that many now have to shout from even the smallest of distances to get their point over to fellow chavs and chavettes.
"There have been cases, where some Chavs have to stand directly in front of each other shouting just to place their next order for a wrap of whizz," said McMadmurdoch.
Some Chavs have got over the problem of communication by stealing phones and selling them to pay for the drug LSD which enhances a person's senses. Despite trying such methods, many still have to rely on special 18 inch speakers in their cars to hear their happy hardcore music properly. Many female Chavs, known as Chavettes, are forced to scrape their hair back as tight as possible to allow them to hear every word their boyfriends are shouting to them.
Many have gone to extremes in an attempt to highlight their illness to society. Methods have included taking their shirt off in public and walking with a purpose, sometimes with their girlfriend walking behind as an act of solidarity. Others have less noticeable signs such as wearing gloves on warm days and tucking their shell suit bottoms into their socks.
The research has also uncovered other hearing-related problems for the Chavs, as some now have difficulties balancing upright.
McMadmurdoch pointed out; "Some of the Chavs now need help in walking, we have seen many occurrences of them being held up by fellow Chavs - some are unable to get across the street to start a fight, although we have not ruled out the possible influence of lighter fluid ".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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