Written by Ellie James

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

image for Man Increases Brain Power 22% By Smoking Malted Baboon Fur
Baboon fur: Smoke it if you got it.

Dorking Zoo Keeper, Stavros Jones, improved his brainpower three-fold by smoking the malted fur from various primates at the zoo he is employed at an un-named conservation park in Surrey.

Stavros, a keen botanist when not tending to primates, boasts an already increased knowledge of exotic herbs, noted one of his captive chimpanzees savouring the aroma of its pelt during one of his frequent shifts and decided to take some action for himself.

Rolling some spent fur in his token tool of choice, Rizza(TM), he then spent the next several weeks participating in the heady delights of primate fuzz under the watchful eye of his furry counterparts.

Initially only partaking the inhalation as way to get back to nature after years of searching for the all time high as he refers to it, Mr. Jones then became privy to the complex computations of quantum-physics and string theory.

According to Jones, he doesn't remember much of the fur high, but he stated that after an eighteen hour bender on suffused cercopithecidea fur he felt more intelligent.

Since then he has gone on to write several papers that reconcile quantum mechanics and general relativity, introduced the entire monkey population at the reserve to the intricacy of hair-dressing instead of self grooming, and is now dating famous party girl/super model Kate Moss who is trying to formulate a powdered fur for medicinal purposes only.

"It's not continuous effort that unlocks our potential. It's smoking baboon fur. Churchill had it wrong all along," said Jones as he lit up his Rizza.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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