Hello, one and all. Father Hacket here. It has been a trying time for everyone, hasn't it? The church hall hasn't been this quiet since Mr Fumble murdered Mr Lace at the 'Bring and Buy Sale'. I still maintain he could not have inserted that lamp s...
Edited by Lymington Spode. News: Mrs Hane from the Bacon Grinders Forum has been awarded "Sow of the year" yet again. Ardle Pitterfong has returned from the jungles of Borneo The interesting insect specimens he brought back with him are being removed at the hospital. Funeral Directors, Mardews of Dorking are offering a two for one special this month. Church Hall Events: March...
A local man from Dorking was facing humiliation in the town last night when it was discovered he accidentally mixed up TV experts ITV money saving expert Martin Lewis and Channel 4 property buying expert Phil whatshisname, the bloke who hangs around...
A massive argument has erupted at the annual Dorking Dance Off held at Dorking Town Hall. It started just after the tango as the Bollywood dancers came in while the ballet dancers waited for their turn. As heated looks were exchanged, the belly dance...
Amateur photographers and YouTube videographers are on the hunt for the only cat in the world not to have had it's photo taken or been videoed doing something cute and/or amusing. "We believe the cat is in the Dorking area," said Simon Ease, who i...
Lessons in swimming for children up to the age of eleven have been cancelled in Dorking after a local fire safety marshal deemed the Dorking Leisure Centre swimming baths unsafe, and a fire hazard. "It is impossible to get thirty children out of t...
Every year the town of Dorking plays host to a very special talent contest - Dorking's Pets Have Got Talent, is a contest to find some of the most talented pets in the Dorking area. Last year the top prize went to local girl Pippa Middleclass an...
Residents of London suburb, Dorking, awoke this morning to discover that thieves had stolen every last scrap of metal from the town. "They came in during the night," said police inspector, Devon Cumbria. "They've taken street lamps, park benches,...
Women's beach volleyball players have been advised not to wear tight fitting bikinis at the 2012 London Olympics. Athletes in the event have worn skimpy swimwear since the sport was introduced at the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta. Now the change has b...
Dorking Police's amateur hobbyists were celebrating yesterday after sweeping the board at the town's Annual Festival. The force's enthusiasts picked up the top gongs in contests for painting, photography, acting, gardening... you name it: if there...
Following England's defeat to Italy on penalties at Euro 2012, the Football Association have decided to spend millions of pounds on a new Centre of Excellence designed to make England penalty winners. Sir Trevor Frooking CBE (Cant Be Easy) announc...
Dorking couple, Doris and Harold Heinz have been arrested after a series of public indecency offences left them in hot water. "It all started when our new neighbours moved in," said Doris Heinz, 57, who has been bailed, pending trial. "We thought...
Cockney hard man Danny Dyer is to embark on his toughest mission yet: rolling with the tough guys of Britain's amateur satire writing scene, and it's going to get messy. The six episode series will begin Wednesday on Sky 3, sandwiched between Ross...
The England football team's chances of winning the Euro 2012 tournament have been rated as 0.000756% by a leading Dorking Professor, writes Sport, Fishing, Linoleum, Commercial Grass Cultivation, Wheelbarrow Design, Spats, Mathematics & Entertain...
Harvey Bristol, aka Cindy, has made it into the Guinness Book of Records by becoming the fastest cross dresser in the world, beating off stiff competition from regular winners of the Speed Cross Dressing contest from Thailand. This year's speed cr...
The University of Dorking has been rocked by a controversy that threatens to have major repercussions for one of its prestige Departments, writes Storm In A Teacup Correspondent, Will Slather. This controversy, which threatens major repercussions,...
Dear Sir, I am writing in the hope that any of your readership may have a care for our lost histories. You see, I live here in Broadwoodwidger and am researching the lives of our ancestor, Edwin Puley, who was a Cheesewright and Noddler, and indeed served his time in your very environment before ending his days as a Master Cheesewright and Chief Noddler back here in Devon. I visited your...
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